Friday, October 21, 2005
From the "Accidental Lawyer"
Type in “[your name] needs” into Google and list the first 10 results. Italicize the ones that apply to you.
Okay, I’ll play.
Nika needs a walk before the nice weather out there disappears.
Nika is a beautiful, loving girl who needs someone to love her back.
Nika needs attention too!
Nika needs romance like a fish needs water.
Nika…needs to hear---and believe---what Smelly knows about a particularly monstrous sadist and serial killer.
Nika needs deep emotional involvement and forms very intense love bonds.
Nika needs to be well so [she] can enjoy [her] beautiful surroundings.
Unfortunately, it seems that "Nika needs" only seven things. They all apply to me, even the part about Smelly.
Now I’m going to try it with “Nika wants”:
Nika wants to do 23 things.
Nika wants to do 11 things.
[a Formula One car] is one thing Nika wants in her stocking this year.
Nika only wants to find out who are her birth parents.
Nika is a sweet, sweet longcoat White Shepherd…and just wants to be a good girl.
Nika is moaning because she wants more pasta…
Nika wants to be more than good: she wants to be a “smokejumper.”
Nika’s staring at me beseechingly---she really wants to go back to bed, but I won’t let her, since she’ll have to stay in her crate all afternoon while I invigilate.
Nika wants to tell you something.
Nika wants to hold out hope that it won’t turn out that way.
I will not comment on wanting to be a "smokejumper" for fear that I may have already been one but was too drunk to realize it.
Finally, the trifecta---“Nika gets”:
Nika gets $950000.
Nika gets to sit in her idol, Gilles Villeneuve’s race car.
Nika gets tired.
Nika gets to use the new “contour” vibrator, which is really cool.
Nika gets to come to work with me!
Nika gets short shrift on the blog.
Nika gets put in the kitchen, but stands on her back legs to bark at whomever I let in.
Petite Nika gets---oh, I can’t say that.
Nika gets down to business of playing jazz in her inventive solo lines.
Nika deepthroats, gets nailed, and tastes a big mouthful of --- what the hell?
With no time for small talk, Nika gets down to the white-girl titty sucking, and--- WHAT??? Oh, GAME OVER!
Every day comes with a lesson to be learned. Today I learned that there are a lot of dogs, Ukranian mail order brides, and Black porn stars named Nika. All of them are getting more action than I am.
I do hope "that it won't turn out that way" this weekend. As it is my birthday tomorrow, I expect to get, well, whatever Petite Nika was getting.
I'm still depressed, though. In a committed relationship, depressed sex just isn't the same. It's not sufficiently desperate and self-destructive; it's too damn healthy. This is a sign of progress, I'm told.
Type in “[your name] needs” into Google and list the first 10 results. Italicize the ones that apply to you.
Okay, I’ll play.
Nika needs a walk before the nice weather out there disappears.
Nika is a beautiful, loving girl who needs someone to love her back.
Nika needs attention too!
Nika needs romance like a fish needs water.
Nika…needs to hear---and believe---what Smelly knows about a particularly monstrous sadist and serial killer.
Nika needs deep emotional involvement and forms very intense love bonds.
Nika needs to be well so [she] can enjoy [her] beautiful surroundings.
Unfortunately, it seems that "Nika needs" only seven things. They all apply to me, even the part about Smelly.
Now I’m going to try it with “Nika wants”:
Nika wants to do 23 things.
Nika wants to do 11 things.
[a Formula One car] is one thing Nika wants in her stocking this year.
Nika only wants to find out who are her birth parents.
Nika is a sweet, sweet longcoat White Shepherd…and just wants to be a good girl.
Nika is moaning because she wants more pasta…
Nika wants to be more than good: she wants to be a “smokejumper.”
Nika’s staring at me beseechingly---she really wants to go back to bed, but I won’t let her, since she’ll have to stay in her crate all afternoon while I invigilate.
Nika wants to tell you something.
Nika wants to hold out hope that it won’t turn out that way.
I will not comment on wanting to be a "smokejumper" for fear that I may have already been one but was too drunk to realize it.
Finally, the trifecta---“Nika gets”:
Nika gets $950000.
Nika gets to sit in her idol, Gilles Villeneuve’s race car.
Nika gets tired.
Nika gets to use the new “contour” vibrator, which is really cool.
Nika gets to come to work with me!
Nika gets short shrift on the blog.
Nika gets put in the kitchen, but stands on her back legs to bark at whomever I let in.
Petite Nika gets---oh, I can’t say that.
Nika gets down to business of playing jazz in her inventive solo lines.
Nika deepthroats, gets nailed, and tastes a big mouthful of --- what the hell?
With no time for small talk, Nika gets down to the white-girl titty sucking, and--- WHAT??? Oh, GAME OVER!
Every day comes with a lesson to be learned. Today I learned that there are a lot of dogs, Ukranian mail order brides, and Black porn stars named Nika. All of them are getting more action than I am.
I do hope "that it won't turn out that way" this weekend. As it is my birthday tomorrow, I expect to get, well, whatever Petite Nika was getting.
I'm still depressed, though. In a committed relationship, depressed sex just isn't the same. It's not sufficiently desperate and self-destructive; it's too damn healthy. This is a sign of progress, I'm told.
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